What kind of cheater is he?

First off let me just say that I despise cheaters in every way possible. I don’t believe that there is any excuse that will make being unfaithful okay. And though I don’t agree with many people when they say that once a cheater always a cheater the idea of someone cheating on their girl or boy friend still doesn’t sit right with me. There are exactly two kinds of cheaters in the world today. There’s the cheater who goes around dogging women or men like its nothing and then you have the one time only cheater that slipped up and had a moment of weakness. Yes, they are both cheaters no matter what way you say it, spell it or look at it, but they are different in many ways.

Now cheater number one is just down right doggish. They get a thrill out of being with multiple, beautiful women and when they can’t they do who ever where ever. These people don’t know how to care for just one person because they have never been taught how to care for one person.  All they think about is themselves and no one else’s feelings matter. And don’t try to get them to put their selves in your shoes because it still not going to make a difference. Being with different people while in a relationship with someone already is a challenge to them. And having the ability to attract members of the other sex whether they are dating, engaged or married is an even bigger achievement to some of these cheaters. It would take a special person to make a person stop cheating. But it takes a longer time for them to realize they have a problem and solve it.

Cheater number two isn’t an angel or saint, but they know when they have messed up and isn’t afraid to admit it or apologize when they need to. These are people that don’t intend on cheating it just happens. And again I’m not saying that just because they don’t mean to be unfaithful that gives them an excuse to be forgiven. I am saying that it’s easier to forgive someone who has no plans of cheating versus someone who makes it his life mission to cheat. Let me also be clear and say that just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them.  It’s just good to know that you hold no grudges with that person and you do understand that they are sorry. Also one time cheaters usually never cheat again. They tend to learn their lessons on their own without you having to teach them. I think that’s because they have something called a conscious. That’s not to say that you can go back to them if you wanted to, but you would be okay to because these guys or girls are really sincere at heart.

Just remember one thing though, no matter what kind of a cheater he or she is it is not okay. I am just giving my own opinion as to what kind of person deserves to be forgiven and given another chance, if you really believe that this person truly loves and cares for you and won’t make the mistake again.

Why do I have to be fair when we are only dating?

Whether you are new at dating or you have been dating for a long time and haven’t yet committed yourself to being in a relationship dating is a 50/50 thing. As with any relationship or friendship it’s not always about you. You have to be equal with each other during the dating stage and when just dating turns into a relationship. Listening is a good way to start. Dating is the stage where you don’t know much about each other to dislike one another, so you try to get to know each other. But no one will know anything if they never get to say anything. It’s a two way street. You talk and then the other person talks. You listen and the other person listens. If you are dating and the other person has something to say listen. Don’t cut him /her off when they are talking or even worse roll your eyes and smack your lips. Especially if you get the respect that you deserve when the shoe is on the other foot. And if you’re dating buddy or partner is willing to do certain things that you like even if they don’t then do the same for them and set aside your pride or your attitude for the moment. It’s not going to kill you to just do something that the other person wants to do, especially if you like them and want to continue dating them. And no one wants to be in any type relationship with someone who is all about themselves. If that’s the case then you should be by yourself. Honestly at the end of the day you are going to end up alone and sad because you don’t have anyone to share your life with. And the last time I checked that’s why majority of the people date. So they can find their soul mate.  I know I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is unfair and thinks that everything should go their way when we are not even in a relationship yet. That would definitely be a sign for me not to even pursue anything with you any further. And when it’s all said and done you are either going to have to go on a million dates before you find someone who is willing to put up with you crap or you may never find someone because of your attitude

Just be mindful of other feelings and remember that someone who doesn’t know you doesn’t have to put up with you or you issues at all, so they are more prone to leave at the drop of a dime rather than stay and try to figure out what’s going on. First impressions are always the last impressions.

If I dont trust him why should I give him any privacy?

In any relationship whether you are just friends or more than friends you still have to maintain a certain amount of respect for each other. And going through one another’s personal items such as: their phone, wallets, and purses not only shows that you don’t have respect for them, but that you also don’t trust them at all.

The reason I say you don’t trust them is because you don’t just decide to go through your partners things just for the heck of it or just cause you can. That would make you really nosy or just disrespectful all together. But majority of the time we are looking for something and I hate to say this, but the we I am talking about are women. Don’t get me wrong men have their little moments when they go digging, but 99% of the time it’s the women who are searching and prying to find an answer or some answers to the assumptions that are spinning around in our head. And let’s just be honest the first sign that we get that makes us think something is going on with our spouse and someone else we go looking. We can’t wait to catch that cellphone sitting on the dresser while you are in the shower or asleep. It’s like a burning sensation eating away at our minds and it’s not going to stop until we either find what we assuming or nothing at all and then we feel relieved. The funny thing is that instead of us just confronting out boyfriend or girlfriend we decide to take on the role of detective ourselves because we also assume that asking our loved ones isn’t going to give us an honest answer.

And like I stated before that all boils down to trust. When you don’t trust each other you begin to lose respect for one another. And in the process of it all you don’t seem to care anymore because all you know is that you don’t think this person is being honest about anything. Half of the time you don’t even have any proof or physical evidence you just feel like something is wrong so you start acting like it. I will admit that sometimes the partner is responsible for making you feel this way because people don’t just start feeling uncertain about a situation for nothing. Even if they are not doing anything wrong their actions can make you believe that they are being dishonest or unfaithful. Lying for no reason is one factor that can make a person think you are being dishonest and not showing them any type of love or care can cause a person to think that you don’t care for them. And when a person starts to feel like you don’t care or you’re lying about something, they become suspicious. And sometimes their suspicions are correct and at times they are not.

I believe that whether you are suspicious about your spouse or just being nosy give them some privacy. Especially if you think they are lying about something and instead of being man enough or woman enough to confront the situation on our own you go snooping. Sometimes when someone is being honest and sincere with you and they find out you have been digging through their clothes and cellphone they can lose respect and trust for you as well. And I know from experience that the worst thing about being in a relationship where you don’t trust your partner is being in one where neither of you trust each other. So unless you are not willing to step up and ask what you want to know then leave it alone at least until you get the nerve to. Regardless of what type of person you are with everyone deserves some type of privacy. Plus I am sure that you wouldn’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend going behind your back looking for evidence that you are being dishonest especially when you know that you aren’t.

Is it okay to have multiple partners for multiple things?

There are many people out there who think that having multiple people for different reasons in their life.  And I am not talking about your everyday people like your friends and family either. These people are intimately involved with some of these people in order to get what they want. And sometimes a person can have 2, 3, or maybe even more of these so called “partners” depending on the life that they are living.

There’s the pay my bills guy who is just around enough to be available when the bills are do. He is alright in the looks department, but not your type. You don’t spend a lot of time with this person except when it’s that time of the month and you don’t want your bills to be late. And when he wants to spend time with you you make up an excuse. He is either too blind to see through your façade or just in need of love to confront you on it and put a stop to it. Then there is the dude that you have around only because he is good in bed. And coincidentally he is okay with that because that was all he had in mind as well. There is no emotional connection, it is all just physical. You do not go on dates because it is just sex. In fact you probably don’t even see this person for more than an hour at a time. He comes over, you do what you have to do and then he leaves. No cuddling afterwards, no talk about intimate subjects just sex. Nothing at all. Oh, and we can’t forget the person whom you actually date. He’s the one that takes you out to dinner and the movies. He comes over and cooks for you. However, there is just one problem; he does not have enough money to pay your bills and his. Hence the reason you have the pay my bills guy. In addition, the only reason you have not had sex yet is because he is not good at it or he has not mad e a move. And that’s the reason for guy #2. Last, but not least is the actual person you want to be with, but he is not into you like that. This is the person you give your heart to. This is the person that you talk to when you need a shoulder to lean on, but to him you are just a friend. And you don’t tell him about the other men in your life because that will only make things even more complicated between you two. You pray every day that he will notice you as more than just the girl he talks to.

Here’s the thing there are men out there who could be all that you need. You just have to find the right one or let him find you. Dealing with more than one person not only hurts you, but the person you are with. And even though now you probably don’t understand how it would feel to be the other person. If it were you unless you are a cold person you wouldn’t want to find out that you are number 3 in someone roll book.  So just try to take care of yourself and when it’s time for you to be with the right person he will come to you.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Now I have to say that I personally do not believe in love at first sight, but all the movies and TV shows that make it seem as though it is possible kind of makes me wonder if it is. I do not know anyone that fell in love off of the first sight and even if I did, I would still have to question how it is possible to love someone when you do not know him or her.

I think love should come from the heart not sight. In order for you to love someone, you have to know them. How can you love someone when you do not even know their name or birthday? All you know is they are beautiful and you like the way they look. However, that is still not enough to say you are head over heels for someone. This person might be crazy or deranged, but you will not know that unless you get to know the person you are with before you say you are in love with them. They might have an entirely different view of the world and that may be a turn off. But what do you say then? Oh, I loved you when I first saw you, but now I do not. That’s ridiculous.

That is why I cannot believe that you can find the love of your life by just bumping into them on the street. It takes time to get to know someone maybe years before you are sure this is your soul mate. Some people are together for years and then break up because they do not mesh anymore. So how am I supposed to believe that the first time you meet someone you know that you want to be with them forever? It is impossible to know what you want to do with someone you have no clue about.

What I do think is that people get so caught up in the fairy tale love stories that we see on television or read about that we think it could actually happen to us. But that’s why those are called fairy tales. They are not real.

Should I wait to get married before we buy a house?

When I was younger, I did not really understand why it was so important for most people to get married before they made any real big decisions together. I used to think that even if you are not married you should still be able to buy a car or a house together. And honestly, you still can, but depending on the person you are or the person you are with, I would suggest making some commitments before making any commitments. I am sure you understand.

It is okay to be just a girlfriend or boyfriend, but if you are married then you have a little more say so in each other’s lives. I mean especially if you can see yourself being with someone for the rest of your life. At least give them some kind of voice in your relationship. I remember watching a television show one night and this couple had been together over 30 years and never married. They had houses together and cars, no kids, but then the husband dies and his family come in taking over everything. From his funeral arrangements to where to put all of his belongings. Of course, the girlfriend got to keep the house because it was in both their names. But just imagine if that were you and your loved one dies and the family comes in and pushes you out the way saying you have no control because you weren’t married. Alternatively, what if when you met him or her they had a business, but when you came in and helped his business grow and flourish into a giant corporation? And when he dies, you have no rights to anything because he never got around putting your name on anything and you two were too in love to even think about the day when one of you would no longer be here. And here you are left to raise his kids by yourself and after having been with him all these years you are left with nothing and the worst part, his family gets everything pertaining to his business. For those of you who think that should not be the only reason t want to be married that is not. You should want to be married because you love someone and it would be nice if your kids knew that their parent aren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend they are husband and wife. However, after seeing those two situations that just made me want to get married even more. Honestly, I should have been married 7 years ago, but it is not up to me. But let’s be real marriage is just like a business partnership. You go into business together and when you decide to part ways, you split everything. Especially if you have helped this business become what it is today and you get nothing out of the deal. It is not fair. Even if the person is not wealthy, you still want to be able to have some say so when it’s needed. You don’t want to walk around the whole relationship after four kids, a house, and a dog and you’re still just the girlfriend. It’s not a good feeling. I know personally. My mistake was that I didn’t set the tone earlier into the relationship and now 11 years later everyone is so comfortable in the zone they're in that it’s going to take a lot more to get things going.

So get married first. These days things tend to happen in reverse and that’s okay as long as the marriage happens eventually. Then after the marriage you can focus on the kids, the house, and the dog. It’s all about love, but you’ve got to be smart about the situation also.

If you feel differently about this article please feel free to leave a note. I would love to hear what you think.

A Good Man Is Hard to Find

People always say a good man is hard to find. Do you believe that or is that just what the women who can’t get a good man say to make themselves feel better?

I think it is a little of both mixed with the type of woman you are. If you are one of those women who are attracted to bad guys then of course you will never find a good one because that’s not what you are looking for. Sometimes you have to ignore your attraction and do what’s beneficial for your life in order to get the good guy you need. And a lot of times the good ones could be right in our face, but we don’t see them because they may be less attractive to us then the good looking bad guys. And even though we know that this guy over here who wears the saggy pants and fitted caps is no good for us we wouldn’t dare be caught with this wonderful loving man next to us just because they’re not as cute.

If that’s not bad enough in some cases the good guys don’t want to be found. Especially not by a so called bad girl. One thing I have learned about being a woman is that it takes not even 2 seconds for a girl’s reputation to be ruined versus that of boys. All it takes is for one negative thing to be said about one woman and men seem to apply it to all the women as if we are all the same. So when the good guys hear these things about a woman the last thing they want is someone to take all of their money and leave them hanging out to dry. So off they go looking for Ms. Right. Not all men look for women just to have sex with them.

The way I see it is it’s just as hard to find a good woman as it is to find a good man. That’s not to say that there aren’t any out there, but if you want them then you have to be a good person at heart as well. And you can’t pretend either because the moment you’re caught that good woman or man is out the door. You can’t play games with good people because they know they’re worth so they aren’t going to put up with the nonsense. So I say be a good person and a good person will come find you or you will find each other. And since we know that they are hard to find, I suggest that you treat them right and hold on tight because you never know when you will find another one. Happy Hunting!